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There's no convenient time to die. There's no "right" time to come back from the dead.
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Before, I could not have handled it. I hope to be a tool to end pain; bring healing and closure.
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If I wanted everyone to continue to regard me as they did, I would never have come back. I don't expect anyone to admire or respect what I did. I know I am subjecting myself to judgment for lack of character, intellect, wisdom, maturity….
If I wanted everyone to continue to regard me as they did, I would never have come back. I don't expect anyone to admire or respect what I did. I know I am subjecting myself to judgment for lack of character, intellect, wisdom, maturity….
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No one can attack me more than I attacked myself for 50 years.
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I am here with my life-long guard down – for you to see me as I am; not as you were previously deceived into believing what you saw was me. (I was aware you liked TheAct and wouldn't like me. You understood TheAct. You wouldn't understand me. TheAct was your known. You didn't know me.)
After reading more, click the upper left back arrow.
After reading more, click the upper left back arrow.
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Maturity – time – life experiences enable us to realize the full extent/consequences of actions we made that affect decisions we'd make now. Before enough of those life experiences are in-hand, choices are made without enough information to realize the full implications. One might know the decision is big, yet not know really how BIG.
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No one, including myself, needs to agree that my decision was good – it happened; on that we can agree. Consequences (good, bad, indifferent) are there with every turn of our life road. We can't blame the road we turn on to – we can blame the decision . . . but really, after it is made, what does that accomplish? The consequences are what we have; we can't turn back.
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I HAVE LEARNED: I am no different than I was before; you just know a secret about me that I hid for years. I was the same when you didn't know. I don't know a major secret you are holding. The fact that you're holding a secret does not stop me from wanting you in my life.
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An analogy may help some understand that what I did does not indicate a lack of love for those I left behind. Picture me in one of the World Trade Towers above where the plane had crashed. The heat is so intense, my skin is dripping from my body & I see an open window. Though my family is in another room above, I jump out of the open window because I can no longer stand the heat. Now, this didn’t happen on 9-11 – but for the sake of the analogy, let's say, my family made it to the roof and a helicopter took them to safety. My jumping out of the window horrifically affected their lives. My jumping was not because I didn't love them; it was because I could not stand my life so intensely at that moment.
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I didn't come back after a few months had passed because there would never be any 'acceptable' explanation. And this remains true. The difference now is that time does heal and enables us to see the bigger picture – what's really important. The world has changed and in some ways, Americans have seen the damages caused by judgment and prejudices of things we don't understand. I will never be able to convince all that it is NOT a choice. I can only swear by God Almighty that mine was not! Instead of continually rejecting a personal attribute I was given, I have accepted it as an integral part of what makes me the person I am and AM meant to be. I prayed that I was strong and healed enough to handle this. I pray you are too.
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The purpose, and where we go from here, is to END the PAIN.
Lastly, regrets are again futile. I do not regret for one moment the life road that, by the grace of God, blessed the world with E & K and enabled PTM, JTM & RTM to join our family from the Orient.
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