For example, when you are at work and make a
comment during a meeting, you want to know that you were heard by those
present. They don't have to agree with you (although agreement can be
perceived as even more validating), just hear what you had to say. To
take this example a step further, imagine speaking up at a meeting and
in the middle of your comment, someone else starts talking. That would
be experienced as invalidating, and you would probably attempt to make
your comment again.
When you come home from work that night, you tell your partner about your day. If he ignores you, falls asleep while you're talking, or immediately starts talking about his day, you'll likely feel further dismissed and invalidated. What you want from your partner at that moment is recognition....
The only type of validation that really counts...is authentic validation. ... When we are validated for a pretense, the validation is hollow, baseless, it's not at all satisfying. ...when a gay man presents a false, inauthentic self to the world and is subsequently validated for the facade, he feels hollow....
My facade of accomplished success (with a cloak of happiness) was hollow. I knew it and spent all my energy trying to make sure that no one else did.
*
When you come home from work that night, you tell your partner about your day. If he ignores you, falls asleep while you're talking, or immediately starts talking about his day, you'll likely feel further dismissed and invalidated. What you want from your partner at that moment is recognition....
The only type of validation that really counts...is authentic validation. ... When we are validated for a pretense, the validation is hollow, baseless, it's not at all satisfying. ...when a gay man presents a false, inauthentic self to the world and is subsequently validated for the facade, he feels hollow....
My facade of accomplished success (with a cloak of happiness) was hollow. I knew it and spent all my energy trying to make sure that no one else did.
