Gary Larson Depicted IT So Well...

Gary Larson Depicted IT So Well...

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Reactions to my return:

If you don't see how any of this could happen because it wouldn't have happened with you, THAT'S TRUE. I have different strengths and weaknesses which were greatly affected growing up in an extremely non-acceptance environment. S, my Love, never ever cared about anyone's acceptance of him - what happened with me, never would have happened with him.


These snippets from Tab Hunter's book say it so well:     -    “…throwing…opportunity at you with one hand while threatening to steal it all back with the other.”     -     “Finding out who I was, sexually, was one thing.  Admitting it was something else entirely, since any evidence could have destroyed my livelihood (or so I thought).  Accepting that I was wired differently was no cause for celebration, believe me. We all have our various urges and desires and shouldn’t be made to feel ashamed of them. Being ‘proud’ of your homosexuality, however, was a concept still years away. Not that I’d ever feel that way. To me, it’s like saying you’re ‘proud’ to be hetero.   [eLm’s insert: The word “PROUD” was chosen for solidarity to quit feeling ashamed, shunned and as “others”.]    Why do you need to wear a badge? You simply are what you are.”     -     “Sometimes when you’re confused, you push away the people you shouldn’t. You’re either afraid of being hurt or of hurting them.”     Link to, and from the book > >    Tab Hunter – Confidential     Click on your back arrow to return to this page after going to the Link.


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A reply to a nasty letter from a relative >

It’s a choice to tolerate or accept: a chosen way of relating to someone; the same as a choice to reject.

No one must react to anyone’s being, look, beliefs, family, friends…in a predetermined way; they choose how they want to respond. There are those who choose to react harshly to those with mental and physical challenges (even results of accidents). How awful. Is it any less awful to react harshly with challenges we don’t yet understand? Like: culture, religion, style, taste….

Have you ever considered for a moment if your attitude would be that of “toleration” should one of your offspring turn out to be gay? I hope it would be of acceptance so as not to subject them to any more rejection from someone who should love them as they are;
not as you may want them to be.

I understand parents not wishing their offspring to be gay in the same way as not wanting their children to endure hardship. Sadly, it’s a fact that society brings this hardship. Would parents become less concerned if society did not impose any hardship on gays? The problem is with society.

One may say, “No, it’s the person who lives in that society that brings the hardship on them self!” Would that apply to women born in Afghanistan? Many parents, in many places, do not wish the fate of being born a female on their unborn.

Many societies have “come-around” (almost) to accepting women as equally valid beings and the stigma has been lifted. Once being gay is as much a non-issue as being a woman, parents will not live in fear of what may befall their gay children.

You recently said you tolerate my being gay…and that you can monitor how much exposure you subject yourself to.

Am I tolerating your being hetero and limiting how much I subject myself to you – afraid that being around you may influence me to be “that way”? I am not threatened by your being hetero, nor do I think it’s a choice you could change, nor do I want you to be anything different to suit me. It’s your life and I accept it/you as you are/came.

The notion that being gay is a choice seems quite silly:
OK, so each gay person awoke one day and said, “Today, and hereafter, I’ll be gay.” If that were true, my day, I guess, was when I was six years old and 47 days.

The myth that everyone is hetero forces gay people to “come-out”. Can heteros imagine if everyone were assumed gay…what it would be like for them to “come-out” as hetero?

I write this hoping you see the myth as it is — A MYTH.

When you’re gay, you’re the only member of a minority whose family is not also a member of the same minority. If you’re black and you’re ridiculed for it at school, you can come home and your family will empathize with you.

I’m just like you – only, the object of my affection is different. If you’re honest with the facts, nearly all the people you know have differing objects of affection.

We are each powerful and delicate simultaneously, AND that is what we must recognize when dealing with one another.

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Two Days Shy of 1 Year after my return:

October 5th, 2008

At just before 8pm, my dad came up to me while I was sitting and watching a DVD, held out his arms. I stood, gave him a big long hug; then he said he was going to bed. This was the first time I remember him doing this.
 From the PBS series Downton Abbey (2012):
"He is terrified of his own grief."(a mother stating to another, in an attempt to explain the father's bad behavior, due to the loss of his son)
I believe this was true of my father in that he forbade my mother from discussing the loss of me in his presence. He chided her saying,"Why do you revel in sharing our misery?" - when she would respond, "we had five and lost one", at social gatherings when she was questioned about children. 
He died in June of 2011, a genius racked with Alzheimer's.

During ABC's 20/20 "I Escaped My Life: Runaway Family Man", It was painful to see my daughter; that her pain is on a video loop. It caused me to recall the hunting accident, when I was standing right next to my father as his shotgun exploded into his hand and I saw his bloody mangled hand with his thumb hanging from a bit of skin before he grabbed his wrist and ran up the hill. I crouched into crying convulsions until someone came and found me. I thought that would be the last I would ever see of him. For weeks, I played that 'video' on a loop in my mind. I was twelve and eventually realized that I was driving myself crazy by continuing to play it. I had to stop for my own sanity.

I Have A Dear Friend Whose Father Found Out That He Was Gay At 13. The Father Then Took His Son To The Opposite Side Of Mexico City With A Small Suitcase, Set It, And My Friend On The Curb And Said, “You Are No Longer Our Son Or In Our Family. We Never Want To See You Again. Your Mother Will Think That You Have Run Away.” My Friend Survived On The Streets Of Mexico City Any Way He Could, From Petty Theft To Allowing Others To Screw Him. When I Met Him, He Still Had Not Seen His Mother For Many Years. I Arranged To Take Him To An Airport In Mexico Where His Mother Was Secretly Waiting To See Him. It Was Beyond Belief To See Them Re-Unite. To This Day, His Mother Still Believes That He Ran Away. My Friend Has Such A Platinum Heart That He Will Never Tell His Mother What His Father Did Because He Knows That She Would Divorce The Father In A Second. He Has Forgiven His Father And He Has A Fine Relationship With His Father To This Day.
I Totally Understand And Get Where My Daughters May Be Coming From Because I Am Not Made Of The Platinum That My Friend Is. I Do Not Know That I Could Ever Forgive My Father For Such An Act.


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